i dont know.

I can't ever express what it is I need from people. most of the time I just desire to be alone in my fantasy world, but even this world has become too heavy. it's no longer freeing, it takes every bit of me and I'm suffocating. I've discovered parts of myself that I never knew existed. my needs have needs, pieces of my heart have seperated from each other. I'm no longer one person. I'm many different islands, islands that have all become deserted. there are times I long to be held.

I need someone to help me understand me, and what it is I really want, what I really need. what does each desire mean, what does each desire tell me about myself?

it's a shame how much I've let myself go. I almost don't recognize my reflection, and I know why that is. I know why I no longer feel whole. anything I ever felt before was nothing. I never knew the feeling of being lost, I never knew what it felt like to not understand people. I never realized how many people I couldn't reach, how many people don't and will never need me.

what is it that makes people not want any part of a person? what could make a person feel so indifferent that nothing has meaning or feeling? I thought there was good in everyone, I thought as humans we all had the desire to be understood and loved. I thought we all had the same desire to give. to give ourselves to someone so completely, we are free. but I realize I don't know as much as I thought. everything I believed wasn't true for most. I took a wrong turn in the road, but hopefully I can leave my mark and maybe this new path I forged will be the right one for someone, one in which no one is ever alone.